I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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