It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
