Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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