I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize