just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize