he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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