Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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