So many bounce houses so little time
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We are all done wearing pants today
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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