I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
