Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
