I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm bleeding and have questions
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
