Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
