Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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