Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
