i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
