9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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