I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
