I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
