Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
