So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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