wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
