I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
