I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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