youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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