I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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