he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
