Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
