i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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