I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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