Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
