Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
