Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
