Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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