I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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