so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
