My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
