we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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