I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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