im drinking this country out of the recession.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
