I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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