Nicole vs. Life
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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