State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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