Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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