At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
