Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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