at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm going to jail i love you
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
