we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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