i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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