Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
