remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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