the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
