sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm always down for nudity.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
