Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
