i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want a musical about memes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
