now i know why i became what i already was.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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