I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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