I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
