Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
