who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
