my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
