OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
