im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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