Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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