I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
