If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think your dad took our porno
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
