It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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