If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
