Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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