It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize