On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
