There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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