Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
