who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
