I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
