I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
sarcasm needs its own font
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
