The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
