She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
