already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
