The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
